Grumpy Old Vamps
by GrumpyOldVamps
Summary: When Edward meets Bella's father for the first time, things don't exactly go as planned...
1. The Meeting

**a/n This is a collaboration between GemmaH and beckybrit**. **We've had this idea for some time now and decided we might as well give it a shot. Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: Everything Twilight related belongs to SM.  
**

**Grumpy Old Vamps**

**Chapter 1 : The Meeting**

**BPoV**

_Ok, introductions first I guess. My name is Bella Swan. I'm 17 years old and I live in Forks, Washington with my father, Charlie. Charlie is the Chief of Police here in Forks. I only moved here to live with my father pretty recently, before that I lived with my mother in Phoenix, Arizona. If I'd known what was ahead, I am sure I'd have opted to stay there._

_My boyfriend is Edward Cullen. The most important thing you need to know about Edward? He's a vampire. No, no! Don't panic, he's a good vampire. I know, right? Who knew. Apparently vampires can live off animals. His family are really rich and beautiful, but for some reason he's chosen plain old Bella Swan to become infatuated with. This is a cautionary tale. I promise, once you read this, you'll never introduce your vampire boyfriend to your father again._

v-v

Straight A students had to study, right? Yeah, that's what I'd been telling my boyfriend Edward every time he complained about me having my nose in a textbook. I'd finally relented and told him he could come over to my place while I studied. He hadn't been to my house before, and I deliberately chose a time when I knew my father, Charlie, would be out fishing so I didn't have to worry about how their first meeting might go. Looking back, I wondered if I may have had a premonition about what was to come.

There was a knock at the door. I pulled it open and there stood Edward, looking as beautiful as ever. My heart sang in my chest as he walked in and bent to kiss me. Our lips had only been locked for a moment when Edward's head snapped up. He closed his eyes as he inhaled deeply, his nostrils flaring.

"What _is _that smell?" he asked me wondrously, opening his eyes again as he gazed at me. I smiled, pleased that he'd noticed.

"Oh! " I exclaimed, smiling. "That's 'Voluptious' by Kim Kardashian. Renee sent it to me." I thrust my wrist under his nose. "Ha! 'Sent', get it? It's perfume and she 'sent' it to me!" I cracked up laughing at my unintentional pun. When I looked up at Edward though, he was less than amused, his nose wrinkled in disgust.

"Not that!" he snapped in an annoyed tone, pushing my wrist away. I rolled my eyes at his sudden mood swing and turned to head back to the kitchen where I'd been studying.

I sat down at the table and tried to remember where I'd gotten up to.

"Have you finished the Romeo and Juliet essay, Edward?" He didn't reply. "Edward?" I turned, my eyes searching the space for him. I found him quickly. He was standing next to the row of coat hooks, his face buried in my father's police jacket.

"Um... Edward?" I asked, putting my pencil down and starting to get up from the table. "What are you doing, exactly?"

Before I could take a step towards him, he was by my side, moving so quickly he was almost a blur.

"You know it make me nervous when you do that, I don't like it." I crossed my arms over my chest emphasising my displeasure. He leaned in, his cold nose skimming my jaw, finally coming to rest just below my ear where his tongue flicked out to taste me.

"How about this? Do you like this?" He whispered, his cold breath tickling my neck.

"Mmhmm..." was about all I could manage to get out. I knew he was trying to distract me from his odd behaviour before, but I honestly didn't care. So he sniffed my Dad's clothes, let's face it, it's not the weirdest thing he does in the big scheme of things. I lost my train of thought completely as he began to nuzzle down my neck to my collarbone, pausing to gently suck the skin there.

I forgot all about studying, which I know was his intention when he came round here today. I slid my arms up around his neck and jumped to wrap my legs around his waist. He caught me easily, being super strong and all that, and walked backwards until I was perched on the kitchen counter, with Edward nestled between my legs. He lifted his head up and captured my lips in a searing kiss, I returned it with interest but was careful to keep my tongue away from his sharp and venomous teeth. His hands moved down to grab my ass and he roughly pulled me closer to him. I could feel his arousal as he pushed against me; he was so fucking hard and needed no recovery time. "Mmm..." I sighed. There were certainly perks to going out with a Vampire.

He released me quickly and stepped back, I looked at him incredulously, was he serious? I was just getting started!

"Charlie's home." He offered by way of explanation. "I'll leave by your window and be back later."

Before I had time to reply he was gone and I heard Charlie coming in the front door. Damn cock-blocking father!

"Hey, Bells," my father greeted me. "The fish weren't biting today, so I thought I'd come home and spend some time with my daughter."

"That's great, Dad." I tried to muster a smile and failed miserably. My lower half still throbbed from Edward's ministrations and I tried to subtly rub my thighs to alleviate some of the ache.

"Are you ok, Bella? Do you need the toilet?"

"What?"

I looked up to see Charlie staring at me with an odd expression on his face.

_Oh crap! _

Not as subtle as I had hoped. I felt my face burn with mortification and I quickly scooped up my books and almost ran out of the room.

"Just going to finish my homework upstairs, ok?" I shouted to him as I stumbled up the stairs. I didn't wait to hear his reply. I hurried into my room and shut the door, collapsing on my bed in a heap. This was all Edward's fault!

-oxo-

I stayed in my room for the rest of the evening, feigning illness when Charlie had knocked on my door to ask where his dinner was earlier on. I finished my homework and waited impatiently for Edward to return. Pacing quietly around the room, I prayed that Edward would not be much longer; I was still worked up from my earlier interaction with him. My prayer went unanswered, the time seemed to drag on and on. I let out a deep sigh of frustration and decided to take a quick shower before bed. I could do with a little tidying up _down there, _so a shower seemed the perfect solution.

I finished up in the bathroom and after realising I'd left all my clothes in my bedroom, I wrapped myself up in one of the big fluffy towels that Charlie liked so much and hurried back to my room. I slipped inside and gently closed the door behind me. I turned around towards my bed and almost jumped three foot in the air!

_Edward!_

I would have screamed too, but he shot off the bed and clamped his hand over my mouth.

"You scared the shit out of me!" I grumbled behind his hand.

"Evidently," he smirked at me, removing his hand.

"I told you I was coming back," he said, returning to his earlier position on my bed. "Charlie went to bed early, so I thought I'd come in and wait for you."

His eyes scanned the length of my body and I felt the familiar stirring deep in my belly.

"Come here, Bella." He beckoned me over with his delectably long fingers. _I loved his fingers. _

"I love it when you're all wet," he said, licking his lips and grinning at me. I blushed as usual, knowing full well he didn't mean just from the shower.

When I reached the bed he grabbed the front of my towel and pulled me down on top of him.

"I don't have long tonight, so we will have to be quick." Before I had chance to answer, he'd flipped me onto my back, whipped off my towel and had his face buried between my thighs.

"Holy shit!" I cried out. "You're weren't joking."

He raised his head slightly and I whimpered at the loss of contact, cursing my stupid self for speaking.

"I didn't want to waste our time together. Would you like me to stop?" He raised a quizzical eyebrow at me, already knowing that there was no way I would stop him.

"God no, please don't—"

He was back inside me before I could finish my sentence.

"Arghh!...fuck..." I muttered, quickly reduced to an incoherent mess by his very talented tongue. He licked and nibbled until I was breathing heavily and had a death grip on his hair.

When he slipped two fingers inside me I was done for and had to bite my lip so I didn't cry out. He continued to pump in and out while I rode out my orgasm, using his tongue to capture everything I gave him. When my breathing eventually returned to normal, he removed his fingers and sucked them clean.

I noticed the very prominent bulge in his jeans and moved my hand to stroke the length of it. He hissed softly and placed his hand on top of mine.

"Not tonight beautiful, I need to go."

"But it's so hard," I whined, really wanting to suck his big hard cock, but he wasn't having any of it.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it later," he said, getting up from the bed and moving towards my open window. The thought of Edward 'taking care of himself' was enough to make me aroused all over again.

"Bella, please!" He frowned down at me as if he was angry, but I could see the dark, hungry look in his eyes. "You are making it even harder for me to leave."

My gaze instinctively moved to his crotch and I sniggered. Yeah, I'd made it harder all right.

"Sorry," I said, releasing his ankle and pulling myself up from the floor where I'd thrown myself, even though we both knew I wasn't sorry really. I had separation issues when it came to Edward.

"I have to go." With that, he leaned in and gave me a quick kiss before disappearing into the night.

Satisfied and sleepy, I snuggled into my pillows and was out like a light.

**EPOV**

Before I left Bella's house, I slipped back inside the front door and followed the amazing smell from earlier, to the coat rack in the hall.

"Mmmm!..." I found the jacket and inhaled deeply. Bella's scent was amazing and drove me wild, but this smelled like her, only ten times stronger. My mind swam as I buried my nose in the material, letting the scent wrap itself around me. I heard movement from upstairs; Charlie had just woken up and was on his way to the bathroom.

I was out the door and deep into the forest before he even made it out of his room. As I ran through the forest back to my house, I realised with more than a little dread that I was still clutching Charlie's jacket.

_Oh Shit. _

Bella would freak if she found out. I would have to hide it somewhere for tonight and try and sneak it back into her house the next day. I knew she had work tomorrow and Charlie should be at the station, so I would return it then. With my plan formed, I rushed up to my room when I arrived at the house, to hide the offending article until I could return it.

-oxo-

I set off to Bella's house a little after nine in the morning the following day. Sure enough her truck was not in the driveway, and neither was the Chief's cruiser.

I jogged up to the door and was about to enter, when I detected the distinct beating of a human heart and _fuck me_, the most delicious smell I had ever encountered. It looked like the Chief _was_ home after all.

I turned to go, but that smell kept me glued to the porch steps. Maybe I could say I was here for Bella, just get a little hit of his scent and then leave. Yeah, I could do that. I stepped up to the front door, knocked and waited.

"I'm coming. Just a minute," Charlie shouted from inside. A couple of minutes later, he opened the door, appraising me with the seasoned eyes of a cop.

"Can I help you, son?"

"Is Bella in? I'm Edward, Edward Cullen." I offered him my hand to shake, and although he looked a little wary, he took it.

"I'm afraid she's at work. Can I help you with anything?" he asked, frowning as I pressed the palm that had just shook his, against my nose and inhaled deeply. I was aware that I was acting very fucking strangely, but I couldn't stop myself. He was so…mouth-watering.

I wanted to prolong this just a little more, so I thrust the jacket at him and told him that Bella had left it in my car and I was returning it to her.

"Mmm. That's my jacket, wonder why she had it?" he said, thinking out loud. "But more importantly, Edward," he said, narrowing his eyes at me. "What was she doing in your car? I think you'd better come in for a minute, so we can have a nice little chat."

_Oh fuck!_ This wasn't going how I had planned, at all.

I reluctantly followed him inside and tried not to breathe now that I didn't have the fresh air to dilute his delicious scent. Leading me into the kitchen, he turned to face me. He started speaking about Bella and how she had not mentioned anything about me, but all I could focus on was the throbbing vein in his neck.

I watched, transfixed as the blood pulsed so tantalizing close to the surface. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, but I ignored it. Venom pooled in my mouth and before I'd registered that I was moving, I found myself attached to Charlie's neck, my razor sharp teeth embedded in his skin. The hot, sweet blood flowed down my throat and I'd swallowed twice before reality came crashing in. I dropped Charlie like he was on fire and sprang back against the wall, watching as he began to writhe in agony.

_Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! _

I'd just bitten Bella's fucking father. I was quite sure this was not how she intended our first meeting to go. She was going to be so pissed. I felt my phone vibrate again and I didn't need to look at the screen to see who it was.

_Alice._

I answered the call this time and was met by laughing on the other end.

"Ooh, you are in so much trouble, Eddie," she said, before bursting out laughing again.

"It's not fucking funny, Alice," I spat. "And don't call me Eddie. What the fuck am I going to do?"

"Carlisle says you need to bring him back here," she replied, and then the line went dead.

"Goodbye to you too, Alice," I huffed.

With a resigned sigh, I scooped up Charlie, flung him over my shoulder and started off running back to my family. I could only imagine the shit storm that was waiting for me there!


	2. A New Addition

**a/n I know it's been an age since we posted the first chapter, but hopefully we can now start updating on a regular basis. So, Edward had just bitten Charlie. Let's see what happens next...**

**Disclaimer: SM owns everything Twilight related.**

**A New Addition**

**EPOV**

Despite dreading the welcoming committee that was bound to be waiting for me, I ran as fast as I could with Charlie slung over my shoulder. My venom was burning through his veins and starting to do its job in earnest now and it was taking nearly all my strength to hold him still while I ran. His panicked cries and pained whimpers went straight through me each time I heard them. _Oh God, what was I going to say to Bella?_

Maybe _"Hey , Bella. I met your Dad today. We're going to have much more in common than you thought." _Or perhaps,_ "I called round to see you today, met your Dad, he invited me in for a quick bite."_

_I was so fucked._

I cleared the trees and saw my family's house up ahead. I could make out Alice, Carlisle, Rosalie and Emmett waiting for us.

_Fucking great!_

Emmett's thoughts assaulted me as I came up to the front porch.

_Fucking hell, Eddie boy! Even I've never done anything this bad. Your girlfriend's father? For fuck's sake, this shit is priceless._

I looked over at him and growled. _Fucking prick. _I smirked at him when Rosalie suddenly slapped him round the head

"Ow, Rosie! What the fuck was that for?" Emmett whined, clutching his head.

"For what you said to Edward, obviously." She replied, trying hard to suppress a smile.

"But I didn't say anything!"

"You thought it though." She cocked an eyebrow at him, daring him to disagree.

Wisely he decided to keep quiet, and I elbowed him as I rushed past, earning a mumbled _F__ucker! _before depositing Charlie on the living room sofa. I stood up and turned to face the disapproving and disappointed faces of the rest of my family.

"So..." Carlisle began. "I think it's safe to say, this is a little unexpected."

Alice laughed and I rolled my eyes at the understatement of the year. I couldn't tell if she'd had a vision or not because she was currently reciting the Egyptian alphabet, backwards. I narrowed my eyes at her and she just gave me the finger in return.

"So, do we finish him off or let him change?" Ahh, Rosalie. A heartless bitch, but ever practical.

I cut in before anyone could answer.

"We cannot kill Bella's father!"

"No, because you already did that." She shot back at me.

My shoulders slumped in realization, it was true. Either way, I had effectively ended Charlie's life as he knew it. I waited for Carlisle's answer, because ultimately the decision would lay with him. He'd have to take responsibility for our newest member.

"Well, I think under the circumstances—" He didn't get to finish, as Alice suddenly burst out laughing again, but this time I read her thoughts, loud and clear. Carlisle had made his choice.

"Oh fuck no!" There was no fucking way this was happening. Carlisle smiled at me, obviously aware that Alice had seen his decision and had shown it to me.

"I'm afraid Alice is correct, Edward. Since you were the one to change him, it is your responsibility to bring him safely into our world and way of life. You will need to explain what has happened to him, and what his life will be from now on." Carlisle was now grinning as he saw that the full extent of what he was saying had suddenly dawned on me.

Unfortunately everyone else had realized too, and now all of the members of my family were doubled over laughing. I was going to have to explain to my girlfriend's father, who was now far stronger than me, that not only was I a vampire who had been dating his daughter, but that by accident, I had now made him one too.

_Fucking awesome!_

-oxo-

**BPoV**

"Dad? Are you home?" I called as I closed the front door behind me and hung my jacket up on one of the coat hooks. I heard a groaning sound drift down from upstairs and took the stairs quickly to find out what was going on.

As I reached the top, I could hear that the sound was coming from my father's room. The door was closed and I tentatively nudged it open, for some reason afraid of what I might find.

"Edward?" His head snapped up from my father's pillow where he'd had his nose buried and the loud groans had emanated from. He leapt up from the bed and my eyes widened in shock as I took in what he was wearing. "Is…is that Charlie's jacket you have on?"

"Shit!" he exclaimed as he scrabbled to remove the jacket and threw it down onto the bed.

"You're lucky it was me who found you here like this, Edward, and not Charlie," I told him sternly.

"Uh…yeah, about Charlie. That's sort of why I'm here."

Suddenly everything made sense.

"Oh my God! You're in love with my father!"

"No! Oh God, I wish I was—"

"You _wish_ you were in love with my father?" My nose wrinkled in disgust.

"No!" He ran a hand through his hair in apparent exasperation and paced back and forth. Finally he came to a stop. "Ok. Bella, sit down, I have something to tell you." Edward gestured towards Charlie's bed and I sat down on the edge of it, watching him curiously.

Edward stood in front of me, twisting his hands nervously.

"Bella, I came here earlier and I kind of…I didn't mean to...I didn't realize until-"

"Oh, just spit it out already!"

"Well I kind of ….bit your father," he confessed. I froze, shocked.

"You killed my father?" I whispered.

"No! I said I bit him, not ki…although I suppose, technically…" he conceded.

"Hold up!" I interrupted. "You _bit_ Charlie?"

"Yes." At least he had the decency to look ashamed.

"So right now he's…where exactly?"

"He's at my place. Completing his transformation into a vampire."

My mouth hung open in shock and I was rendered absolutely speechless. This was so fucking wrong! Edward was supposed to bite me. I should be the one well on the way to becoming a vampire and spending the rest of eternity with the Cullens. Not my father!

"Say something Bella, please."

I looked over at Edward, sitting up in my father's bed, the fingers of his right hand absently stroking the jacket he'd hastily discarded moments before. I got lost, watching, as he stroked them up and down over the collar. I fleetingly thought about what those fingers were capable of, then I remembered that I 'd accused Edward of being in love with Charlie! The two thoughts together, although a little icky, caused a bubble of laughter to erupt out of my mouth.

"It's not funny, Bella." Edward looked at me like I had two heads. Which caused me to laugh even more, as if I was the freak in this relationship! He'd just turned my father into a blood sucking vampire, for fuck's sake! I now had tears rolling downing my cheeks, Edward fast becoming a blurry mess with my impaired vision.

"Are you hysterical?" He asked, warily.

_Was I?_

"Because this is certainly not the reaction I was expecting. I'm sure it's not normal behavior."

I drew in a big breath and managed to stop laughing.

"_Normal?_" I screeched, maybe I was a little hysterical now. "Well, I'm sorry, but I'm pretty fucking sure this is not a _normal_ situation." I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest and glaring at him. "You've not even apologized!"

He was off the bed in a matter of seconds and wrapped me up in his cool embrace.

"Oh Bella, of course I'm sorry!" He snuggled me under his chin. "I never meant to bite him, he just smelled so good and before I knew it, I was drinking his delicious blood..."

His voice trailed off and when I looked up at him, he had a far away look in his eye.

"Eww, Edward! That's just gross."

"Sorry, what?"

"I said, it's gross that you should be drinking anything that comes out of my Dad!" I shuddered at the thought.

"Oh..um..yeah... I suppose it is, when you put it like that," he agreed, and I felt him shudder slightly, too.

I reluctantly stepped out of his embrace, despite the circumstances I always loved being held by Edward, and grabbed his hand.

"Come on then," I said, tugging on his arm.

"Where to?" He asked, looking a little confused.

"I want to go see my Dad, of course!"

"Um... I don't think that would be such a good idea, Bella." He looked uncomfortable,shifting from foot to foot.

"Why not?"

"Well, when he wakes up, he's going to be very thirsty..." he trailed off, waiting for me to catch on. But I still wasn't following. He was my Dad, of course he would want to see me, thirsty or...

_Oh!_.

"You mean he might want to...um...eat me?" I squeaked out.

"Yes," he replied, almost smirking now. I wanted to snap at him because this was no laughing matter, as he'd pointed out earlier. I was used to making Charlie dinner, not _being_ his dinner.

"Ask Alice." I smiled triumphantly. If anyone would know how things were going to turn out, it was Alice.

He slipped his phone out of his back pocket and it was ringing before he had chance to flip it open.

_I loved Alice._

He answered, listened to what she had to say then snapped the phone shut without saying anything in return. He was so rude sometimes!

"Well?"

He sighed, running a hand through his unruly hair.

"She says it will be fine." He didn't look convinced though.

"Let's go, then" I was more than eager to go and see what shape my dad was in. If I was honest, I was curious as hell to see what he looked like as a vampire.

Edward led the way out of Charlie's bedroom, still clutching the jacket, mumbling something under his breath too quiet for me to hear.

We climbed into my truck, with Edward insisting on driving, and set off towards his house. My leg bounced with anticipation of what we would find there.

-oxo-

The silence in the truck was starting to make me feel nervous. It's not like Edward was usually a chatterbox or anything, but I needed him to say something to stop my mind from coming up with all sorts of nasty scenarios.

"So..." I asked him, breaking the tension, "how long will it take Charlie to ..um...change?"

Edward cast a sideways glance at me, warily checking out my expression, before answering.

"Well, I injected a lot of my venom into him when I … well... when I bit his neck. So..." he trailed off as he noticed my look of curiosity had been replaced with one of disgust.

"Just eww! Edward! I'm sorry, but the thought of you sucking on my Dad's neck, still grosses me out!"

He gave me an apologetic shrug and his crooked smile, that distracted me as usual, and carried on with his answer.

"Like I was saying, I injected I lot of venom into Charlie, so the change should be relatively quick. Maybe only a day or two."

A day or two to wait and meet my father, the newborn vampire! I was both excited and terrified. What if he didn't recognize me and wanted to eat me? Or worse, what if he did recognize me and still wanted to eat me?

I wrung my hands together, fidgeting in my seat to such an extent that Edward could obviously stand it no longer and grabbed my hands, stilling them on my lap. He looked deep into my eyes and spoke softly to me.

"It'll be ok, Bella." I snorted at his ridiculous statement. How was this ever going to be fucking ok.

"I mean, fuck, it's not what we intended to happen," he carried on, " but now your Dad's a vampire, there's really nothing stopping you from being changed too, and you won't have to stop seeing him. We will all be together, for eternity." He was grinning broadly now, as if this new realization suddenly made everything look to be working out right.

Of course the Cullen's would want Charlie to live with them, as their newest member they would need to keep him away from humans and help him adjust to his new way of life. As Edward continued to look like he'd just won the lottery, or drank some really tasty blood, in his case, all I could think of was the fact I might well be living with my boyfriend, his family and my father, for the rest of my life. All living together in one house where there would be no privacy, at all.

For. Ever. And. Ever.

Never mind changing me, just kill me now!

"Bella?" Edward's concerned voice interrupted my depressing thoughts. "I thought that you'd be pleased by this news, you look anything but. Are you ok?"

"Just peachy!" I replied, with a hint of snark, resting my head back on the seat and closing my eyes.

I felt his cool fingers brush down my cheek, coming to rest on the back of my neck. He began to rub soothing circles with his thumb, effectively stopping my previous train of thought and sending my mind to its happy, Edward filled, place. I relaxed, just enjoying the feel of him on my skin, so much so that I was surprised when the truck suddenly came to a stop.

"We're here."

I opened my eyes and swallowed nervously, all Edward induced calm totally gone. He was opening my door before I'd even undone my seatbelt. I frowned slightly, because he knew how much that freaked me out, before gingerly stepping out and onto the gravel drive. I took a deep breathe, trying to slow my rapidly beating heart, grabbed Edward's hand and headed into to the Cullen's house, to finally see what had become of my father.

-oxo-

**a/n So, what did you think?**


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